agreed.

this is not to be taken seriously, this is not to be read as opinions. it is to be read as poetry. its obvious that i am on the educated level of about 10th grade in high school. its obvious that these words were not thought out or even re-read. this writing style is what i like to call thru the perspective of a 10th grader, her/his attempt at showing that no matter what level of intelligence one is on we all question love and lack of love and fear of love. its good to question authority and fight it just to make things a bit less boring, but ive always reverted back to the conclusion that man is not redeemable and words that don't necessarily have their expected meaning can be used descriptively in a sentance as art. true english is so fucking boring. and this little pit-stop we call life, that we so seriously worry about is nothing but a small, over the weekend jail sentance, compared to what will come with death. life isn't nearly as sacred as the appreciation of passion.


-kurt cobain

half mast.

passive we stare down these chequered halls. massive yet spare sound these measured walls. wanting is more than life will allow. the colors they fly at half mast from the now.

early frost arrives, winter heralds near. blood moon to rise, permonitions clear.

precious the lives that are uncaringly stole. treacherous minds, just brains without souls. greed is the core of their sheltered ideals. the flag it unfurls at half mast o'er fields.

earthly wind divides, goddess heralds near. early frost arrives, destiny is clear.

we will overcome.
you will overcome.
love will overcome.

shooting stars.

Just before I fall asleep and when I'm really bored I... Lay down and think for a while until I fall into a semi-hypnotic state of sub-consciousness, some call it daydreaming, some call it just fucking spacing out. But I feel like I'm not here and it doesn't matter because I'm sick of putting myself in boring situations and conversations, just everday basic sitcom happenings, some call it thinking but when I'm in this particular state of mind I forget to think and it becomes strictly observatory. I notice things very sensitively like if I focus really hard I can see small transparent blotchea of debris on the outer shell of my eyes. (or the conjuctiva). and can only dollit as my eye moves downward. Its like watching film footage of amoeba or jelly like plankton under a microscope. And when I close my eyes and look up to the sun the bright orange redness radiates an intense picture of blood cells or what I think are blood cells. And they are moving very rapidly and again I can only focus for so long before my eyes strain and I have to look away from the sun into a pillow and rub my eyes hard then I see (some call them stars) tiny spheres of sparkling light which only stay for a second then as my eyes focus again amongst the water or tears from running I open then look up to the sky away from the sun and forget about stupid fucking little squiggly things moving on the outer layer of my eyes or the close up blood cells in my eye lids and I stare at the sky with perrifial vision and not trying but just happening to make out all kinds of faces objects statues in the clouds and I can do the same with wood grain of the panelling on my walls. Once I saw Jesus on a tortilla shell.

Uncertainty like opening your eyes wide in the dark then closing them hard thn open and blinded by the sparkling silver dots created from pressure on the corneas, squint, roll, focus then your blind again but at least you saw light somehow. maybe the light was stored in the sockets or held in the iris or clung to the tips of all the nerves and veins. then your eyes are close again and an artificial light appears before the eyelids, probably just a light bulb or a blowtorch! Jesus its hot! My lashes and brows are curling up and melting emitting the worst smell of burnt hair and thru the red transparency of the light (in my eyelids) I can see a close up view of bloodcells move as I move my eyes back and forth like footage of a documentary of amoeba and plankton jelly like see thru life forms moving man they must be small I can't feel them my eyes must be able to see things MORE clearly than I had expected its like a microscope but it doesn't matter anymore cause they set me on fire now yep I'm sure of it I'm on fire god damn it.

-Kurt Cobain

Will you?

Just how deep do you believe?
Will you bite the hand that feeds?
Will you chew until it bleeds?
Can you get up off your knees?
Are you brave enough to see?
Do you want to change it?

I can't help but feel

That I fucked up. I wouldn't be here if I didn't say what I said. If I hadn't acted the way I did. I wish I could take it back. I am extremely pissed at myself about all of this because as they say, hindsight is 20/20... My hindsight is clear as a fuckin bell, especially on this particular issue. Me and my stupid fuckin brain/mouth/me.

I am.

Flavor of the fuckin month. Do not be so foolish as to assume this is for or about you. Its for me. I do not comprehend love, and will be the first to admit that. I do not comprehend the 'spark' or the 'feeling.' I do not understand those who think love or even strong feelings occur quickly or painlessly.

Love, as I've lived it, breathed it, felt it, and enjoyed it, is a long arduous process, not immediate or quick, or even necessarily painless and enjoyable. Love is dirty. Love is messy. Love takes time. I find myself writing yet another of these, knowing that this possibility has been snuffed short yet again, life squeezed from it. Why are people so scared of getting hurt so fickle and quick to harm others?

I have one time in my life, intentionally left another human being, for nothing short of extreme glaring issues with this person and her personality. I have, and always will give anyone else the benefit of the doubt, and every possible opportunity to show me what could be. You can't learn that person well enough over course of a month to know if they're for you or not. It doesn't happen. You cannot remain closed off to another individual and be surprised that you do not feel strongly for them.

How can you possibly love someone who doesnt know you? How can someone who doesn't know you possibly love you? It will not happen, and it will never work. You sometimes must give someone the benefit of the doubt and take it on blind faith that something beautiful can result. Had I backed away from two people I had zero in common with, I would have missed on countless incredible experiences, and been cheated of many beautiful moments, memories and experiences. Give someone the benefit of the doubt. Love takes time, they might surprise you.