Sober (Unoriginal)

There's a shadow just behind me
Shrouding every step I take
Making every promise empty
Pointing every finger at me

Waiting like a stalking butler
Who upon the finger rests
Murder now the path called "must we"
Just before the son has come

Jesus, won't you fucking whistle
Something but the past and done?
Jesus, won't you fucking whistle
Something but the past and done?

Why can't we not be sober?
I just want to start this over
Why can't we drink forever?
I just want to start this over

I am just a worthless liar
I am just an imbecile
I will only complicate you
Trust in me and fall as well

I will find a center in you
I will chew it up and leave
I will work to elevate you
Just enough to bring you down

Mother Mary won't you whisper
Something but what's past and done?

Why can't we not be sober?
I just want to start things over
Why can't we sleep forever?
I just want to start this over

I am just a worthless liar
I am just an imbecile
I will only complicate you
Trust in me and fall as well

I will find a center in you
I will chew it up and leave
Trust me

Why can't we not be sober?
I just want to start things over
Why can't we sleep forever?
I just want to start this over

I want what I want

Black Mask Worn in Secret (Original Thought)

Blood flowing,
Past repeating,
What the fuck am I thinking?
Into what hole am I sinking?
Of sickness it is reeking,
The cold comfort of night I am seeking,
The darkness through which I am peeking,
Staring into blackness bleakly,
Will I be forced to this place nightly?
Weekly?
Crying whilst seraphim forsake me?
Trembling is where anger takes thee,
Into my soul it is creeping,
As needles, into my skin twisting,
Deepest black from my heart bleeding,
Emotion moves to my face for the reading,
As I gaze into your eyes pleading,
To not take this heart for the tearing,
A look of disdain your face is wearing,
Heartbeat in my ears is blaring,
Real thoughts and feelings scaring,
Me into unknown watching,
For a sign, an indication that this cycle is stopping,
Ups and downs are twirling round me,
Thoughts past and present through my mind keep racing,
Up and down this cold room I'm pacing,
For the very worst my heart I'm bracing,
Blood in my mouth I am tasting,
As I bite my tongue, words escaping,
What horrid words am I saying?
These thoughts not contained within me,
Spilling, trickling, quietly pouring,
From pen to paper, the ink is dripping,
A minute seed of hope is growing,
Trunk, leaves and branches taking place of black outpouring,
Small light at end of tunnel brightening,
Before dying under blackened clouds outpouring,
Onto me this lack of hope consuming,
Waves of dispair onto beaches roaring,
Like a ship torn from safe mooring,
Sinking into black completely.

An Original Thought (Comprised of Unoriginal Thoughts)

The following is a poem I comprised of many different song pieces and fragments...
They belong to their respective owners.


A king in my own mind
Let the demons have their place,
If so its angels you'll create,
Heavy is the head that wears this crown.
Don't want to fool myself anymore,
I'm not your star,
I'm not that beam of light,
Kiss me coldly and drain this life from my lips.
Here's to love, the sickness.
As the pressure grows and these feelings flow,
All the angels praying for me.
As I fall, As I fall.
Oh, how i despise it.
Beware the bottled thoughts of angry young men,
Black and white are all I see,
Hello Darkness my old friend,
Tired of lying in the sunshine staying home to watch the rain.
While I'm melting in the rain, deep in pain.
I remember when I lost my mind.
I close my eyes at what's left inside.
And I stand alone as I cry.

Yes.

Have you ever felt the future is the past, but you don't know how...?
A reflected dream of a captured time, is it really now, is it really happening?

Don't know why I feel this way, have I dreamt this time, this place?
Something vivid comes again into my mind
And I think I've seen your face, seen this room, been in this place
Something vivid comes again into my mind

All my hopes and expectations, looking for an explanation
Have I found my destination? I just can't take no more

The dream is true, the dream is true
The dream is true, the dream is true

Think I've heard your voice before, think I've said these words before
Something makes me feel I just might lose my mind
Am I still inside my dream? Is this a new reality
Something makes me feel that I have lost my mind

All my hopes and expectations, looking for an explanation
Coming to the realization that I can't see for sure

I only dream in black and white, I only dream cause I'm alive
I only dream in black and white, to save me from myself
I only dream in black and white, I only dream cause I'm alive
I only dream in black and white, please save me from myself

The dream is true, the dream is true
The dream is true, the dream is true

I get up put on the light, dreading the oncoming night
Scared to fall asleep and dream the dream again
Nothing that I contemplate, nothing that I can compare
To letting loose the demons deep inside my head

Dread to think what might be stirring, that my dream is reoccurring
Got to keep away from drifting, saving me from myself

I only dream in black and white, I only dream cause I'm alive
I only dream in black and white, to save me from myself
I only dream in black and white, I only dream cause I'm alive
I only dream in black and white, to save me from myself

Lost in a dream of mirrors, lost in a paradox
Lost and time is spinning, lost a nightmare I retrace
Lost a hell that I revisit, lost another time and place
Lost a parallel existence, lost a nightmare I retrace

I only dream in black and white, I only dream cause I'm alive
I only dream in black and white, to save me from myself
I only dream in black and white, I only dream cause I'm alive
I only dream in black and white, to save me from myself

I only dream in black and white, I only dream cause I'm alive
I only dream in black and white, to save me from myself
I only dream in black and white, I only dream cause I'm alive
I only dream in black and white, to save me from myself

The dream is true, the dream is true
The dream is true, the dream is true

In These Veins

Blackened skys, bloodred hearts,
Romance is a tortured art,
Maybe we were doomed from the start,
Maybe we weren't ever meant to part,
Who knows what couldve, shouldve, wouldve been?
I never hoped that it would end,
Yet once again,
I am forced into the ice cold reality that what once was,
Has come to an end.

These Stains...

Walking familiar streets, tainted with fingerprints and memories
Thoughts stroll through the mind, what kind of emotions do I find?
The finest dust previously covered these emotions up,
Walking familiar streets, breezes blowing dust free.
How and where do I put these emotions within me?
Haunted, regretting, walking these streets is upsetting.
Like fingerprints on glass, smudges on life, these brutal truths taunt me,
No amount of scrubbing will remove these stains.
How much longer until freedom and peace I can attain?
Wearing manacles and chains, how much more torture can I sustain?
Living daily, waking and sleeping in pain.
The simple joys of life, blemished by memory.
Good and bad, happy and sad, joyous, miserable
Into one vortex it all swirls.
This is the price to pay for loving and losing a girl.
Driving now past personal landmarks, just another block was my remark
As we walked this same street
Feels like yesterday, walking in summers heat
Mere yards away from these places, we were happy and sad, many different faces.
As we walked, briskly, down sunset towards the whiskey.
Forever in my mind it will stay, a great night with two regrets,
I'm sorry it wasn't perfect, I'm sorry I made you upset...

An Original Thought

With sadness and disdain I admit what my current life's goal is.
To become empty, heartless and soulless.
What does that say however about my basic existence and condition?
What does it speak about the state that my heart and mind are in?
Issues past and present sit rotting;
Eating everything positive I'm capable of starting.
Who then owns the face that you see?
The facade, the false, representing and present for every impurity?
Dredging up issues, problems, emotions, should have been long since laid to rest,
A fucked up individual, life; a blackened mess.
Face of the faceless, thoughts of the thoughtless, a heart for the heartless
and a soul for the soulless.
Who then do you know?
A phantom, a specter, a ghost.
The sometimes smiling face presented to most.
To whom the mask belongs, a skin he does not possess.
Crawling off his own back, a quivering jumble.
The man who used to be inside, broken and humbled.
The true face of sickness most will never know,
Silent tears streaming at thoughts and actions past done.
Looking for comfort and solace, of which there are none.
Questions burn my mind, as the faceless turns to look inside.
Not knowing what the phantom may find.
Do the soulless yearn for whats lost? Do the heartless lament for feelings past?
Do the thoughtless have tormented thoughts? Does the faceless see what hes become?
Yes.
The answer is painfully clear,
What kind of wretched creature is sitting here.
Someone fucked up and ruined, having dealt himself a poor hand.
A creature in place of a once normal man.
Ugly and foul, tortured and tormented.
By myself, previous actions rethought, revisited and lamented.

Life...

Is indeed crazy, and this particular song, has always had relevance to my life, but moreso now than ever.


Underneath her skin and jewelry,
hidden in her words and eyes
is a wall that's cold and ugly
and she's scared as hell.
Trembling at the thought of feeling.
Wide awake and keeping distance.
Nothing seems to penetrate her.
She's scared as hell.

I am frightened to.

Wide awake
and keeping distance from my soul.
I am scared like you.